Standing strong.

Going through problems ain't easy. It can really break someone down. Much worst for someone whose soul is weaker.
I felt so stubborn and every little thing that bothered me got to my nerves. I even felt like dying was a better option. I never felt so weak before. I felt like i couldnt do anything even if i want to. All i wanted to do was lie down and stare up at the ceiling forever. But i couldnt do that so i went out with friends and all but it wasnt really that helpful, i even felt more stress and a bothered, disturbed feeling. Though i had a talk about it with my mom and several ppl with tears and all, i still couldnt back myself up and keep myself strong to stand up for myself. I became so depressed that i couldnt even do anything, all i could do was cry everyday and night. The feeling was terrible. The situation was helpless. I was helpless too. I couldnt even control my temper. I scolded everyone when i was mad. I couldnt help but to feel so mad, helpless, depressed and lifeless. All i needed was help, strength and support but i couldnt seek for it anywhere. I knew there were people who were willing to help but i realised that it was not because they didnt want to help, it was because i didn't allow them to help. I kept turning theyre advices into words that wont help me. That i couldnt do it. I didnt wanna do it. And then i realised, how can another person help me when i cant even help myself. Everyone knows that there's always a solution to a problem, but they just dontknow what the solution is because they spend most of their time cornering themselves in the corner and running away from the problems. Sometimes you just gotta face it and get over it or try another way with the help of your friends. Theres always a to solve things, thats what i believe. Few months ago i just didnt wannt to believe in that and i didnt want to do anything but now i know that it wont help anything if i just lie there worrying about everything. Maybe in some things you cant solve, then just let time heal it for you. Or bare with it if you can. Theres always a way. I learnt that in life, there's always people, things, situations pulling you down but you have to get right back up to your feet and fight it, for whats right and do the right thing. I cant promise that someday i wont lose my mind and all but i know that i can always pull through whatever it is. I wont allow anything to get in my way anymore.

And just so you know, it isn't necessary for you to compare your life with other ppls. They're still gonna live theirs and you're stil gonna live yours.




Love,
Elayne.