3.26am, 25th April 2015.
I am blogging at this hour because I want to remember how I feel at this specific time and date.
It's not an amazing feeling really, but it's one I rarely get. Positive feeling? The opposite.
I am barely standing.
You know that feeling? When you're feeling all the pain cooped up from three months ago. This pain, it has stayed inside long enough that it has infested the heart. It feeds on the soul and it finds its newly inhabited place to its liking. It's not going anywhere now.
How do you get rid of it? People say you should let it out by crying.
Here's the thing, the pain is so attached that it's not letting its host shed a single tear.
The normal procedure would be: get hurt, get lots of feels, feels work up to the eyes, tears fall out. In this case, the process "feels work up to eyes" gets redirected into "sponged by the heart and left there"
Feeling so much emotion and yet not able to express any of it. How does one handle that?
Run. Yes, run.
Let it all out by sweating. It helps.
If you don't, one day you'll break. I guarantee that.
I am desperate to cry.
I would tell you to stay strong but doing so is not what you need to do at the moment.
Relax for a bit, put your armor down. Lay in my arms, close your eyes.
You don't always have to be the strong one.
You don't always have to do things on your own.
Scream all you'd like, little one. The war is almost over.
If you can't cry now, it's okay.
The war is almost over and the journey is beginning.
3.45am, 25th April 2015.