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Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Bring me into eternal slumber.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Fighting bad thoughts

It's true when they say it's all in the head.
From what I know, when you're having a bad time or bad mood everything seems to be bad.
Your whole world will feel like it's crumbling down.
It's hard to change your mindset or feel better when it seems like nothing good is ever gonna happen.
I have come to an understanding that the mind and the heart may set at two different points.
I'm able to understand one thing and yet feel that it's not to my liking even though it may be the "right" thing.
For the past few months I have been in a war with myself.
My heart wanting one thing but my brain wanting another.
Is it wrong to say I understand when it is not what I truly want?
It is suffering and really damaging to myself.
But today I had a realization and I want to write this down before forgetting.
The reason why it was so hard to feel that it's okay although I have an understanding is just because I didn't believe in myself.
I didn't believe my own reasoning and I didn't trust that it'll all be okay although it's the right thing.
I didn't have enough trust in my partner or friends.
I want that to change, and so I'm going to try. Not try, I'm going to do it.
My ultimate goal for this life would be trusting without the fear of breaking.
and I'm going to work towards it. BE STRONG ELAYNE. You can do this.
No need to be scared anymore, you know it yourself that life is short so what's the point in focusing on all these bad feelings. Sure, some things do not turn out as you favour it to but you know what?
THAT'S OKAY. Cause it's not the end of the world yet so that's fine.
You can do it. Don't forget.

Love,
Elayne.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Saturdate

Hey all.
Supposed to be working on my practical report now but I feel so reluctant to read them articles.
I guess it's progress because I've found 4 extra articles already.
All that's left is to read them and write literature reviews on them.
Also I'm only halfway done with the methods section, ugh.
I don't really know how to use google docs, so as I was designing the table I can't seem to make the size vertically smaller. I can do it on microsoft word tho. Somebody please teach me, haha.

On Saturday, I had a messy day but I think it just gradually got better as the day went on.
Went out with Calvin and we headed to Subang Parade to get Boost Juice :D King William Chocolate ftw. The one in SS15 was closed, guess they don't open on weekends(?)

Subang Parade was having a Japanese snacks fair and I wanted to check it out so we went and saw almost every item there.
We bought ourselves Oreo, green tea flavoured and also rice seasoning! Because I wanted to try a new one as I've always been using the ones sold in Daiso.
I was actually looking for the ones with the sakura shaped seasoning but they didn't sell it.



This is the rice seasoning. 
Not entirely sure what flavour it is but i'm hoping it's salmon and not only showing the salmon picture just because it's Kirimi hehe.


It comes in mini packets like these. Soooo cute.


and this is the Oreo green tea. 


We went to Tokyo Kitchen in One City for dinner. We have been wanting to try this place out for quite some time now but it was always raining and if we had to go to to One City, I would much prefer it to not be raining because I want to visit the SkyPark too.
The environment was really nice, with a small pond and flowers (which I have no photos of hehe) and also they have this small wooden tiles which I believe they previously allowed customers to write on(read them on other blogs);they decorated the side of the stairs really well.

I feel that the food was quite worth it because the portion of food they give is what i'd imagine i'd get for paying that amount. Also, the food was yummy!


This is what i ordered, the salmon sashimi set which caused a little less than 30 ringgit.


A close up, nom nom.


We also ordered honey milk. We wanted to try the Tokyo Kitchen honey milk with red bean but unfortunately they didn't have it at that time. It was really nice imo but personally we would prefer it with a little less honey hehe.


We also had the salmon belly and it was really good. I mean how can salmon belly not be good hehe. Calvin was especially happy with how thick the slices are.


He ordered cha soba with tempura. It was alright. He felt that there were missing elements like the daikon and quail egg and that it could be better with them. It was also about the same price as the salmon sashimi set.

After dinner, we headed to the SkyPark and we saw many people, kids in particular, playing with the giant bubbles! We wanted to try it too but were too shy because we'd be the only adults there haha.
Even so, we wanted to get one ourselves and we bought a giant bubble maker (I've no idea what to call it omg), and the solution needed. We got a free bowl to put the solution in with our purchase.
And of course I'd choose a pink bowl, heh heh.
There were also kids riding on the animal rides. There was one Doraemon one and it even played the music, hahah. 
The place looked really colourful and pretty. 
If only I was exposed to that type on environment more frequently, feel like I need some of that colour and brightness in my life. :p

We went back to our own respective homes after and watched Toriko till we sleep :)


More blog posts yaaaaay.
Love,
Elayne.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

I think it's through this blog that you can really tell how I've grown.
I may be slow in growing or maybe to some, fast, but I've definitely not remained the same.
Haha, I wonder is anybody still actually reading this blog? :)
How do I stick to the habit of blogging everyday?
Cause I STILL think that blogging and writing my feelings out will help me a lot.
I have a lot of things in mind and I believe that venting it out here will be much better than cultivating all these negative thoughts and emotions in my mind.
Most of the time I forget I have a place to let them out but a lot of times I am just lazy and I end up damaging myself.
If you've noticed, these past few years I've just been writing everything out very vaguely.
In comparison to the year 2009, I wrote everything out from what I do everything to how I feel about everything and I sort of miss that.
I guess I'm just afraid of people judging me when they read this but why should that stop me from expressing myself? Am I right....hahaaa...

So recently I just got discharged from the hospital because I had my appendix removed.
It was swelling for the whole day and when I went to a clinic, the doctor referred me to the hospital to check and they said the signs were that of someone having appendicitis.
That night itself i underwent surgery because it was painful.
I used to look down on appendicitis because it's quite commonly discussed. By looking down I mean that I felt that it was just something common and nothing to worry about but damn was the pain real.
Even after surgery it was so painful. The anesthetics wore off and when I woke up I immediately felt the pain and tears just came out. The nurse gave me painkillers but it was still a little painful.
I couldn't move at all for that night and the next day but I had to try.
I needed to pee so I tried to go to the toilet and it was really suffering because I couldn't breathe properly and it was hurting so much. That was 6 days ago, I am much better now. I can stand and walk but still really slowly and I can't actually stand upright.
I'd like to truly thank all the people who were with me throughout that experience. I am so so grateful to all of you who helped me. Thank you so much.

Because of this, I missed pretty much a lot of classes and I'm currently behind on a lot of things.
I'm quite stressed out because I've no clue how to do what I'm supposed to do and I don't really know where to start. Maybe it's just because I'm panicking and I really wished I knew how to take the first step. I've a lot of things due just next week and that's probably why I feel like I can't relax although I need to recover.
I was trying to figure out how to transfer the data that I have from excel to SPSS but now here I am typing all this cause I felt the need to rant haha.

Okay byeee, till the next time.
Elayne

Thursday, June 18, 2015

3:25am, 18 June 2015.

This year has been full of ups and downs.

It's like when 2015 began, I sat in the roller coaster and till now, I am still on it.
Rather than going up and down, I've been stuck in a loop, going in circles.
I've been experiencing new things and having so much fun.
I always believe that, when you're up this high, you're bound to go very low as well.
That is why, aside from having so much fun, so many bad things have been happening.
Therefore, the constant roller coaster ride.
I guess in a way, you can say there's always pros and cons to everything.

Though I have many down moments, I am very lucky for I have amazing people around me.
I am so thankful and grateful to have them in my life and I am truly blessed.
I promise that I will never forget that.
I also believe that I am able to overcome everything mostly because of the support I have and definitely a strong and positive mindset.
Everything happens for a reason and sometimes it is also for the better.

I choose to only remember the good and learn from the bad then flush them away.
Glad that everything that gave me happiness, happened as I have learnt to accept that not everything will go as planned.
It's best to not make a big deal out of disappointments but rather to stay calm and see what or where it can be fixed. If it can't be fixed then it's probably best to let go or unnecessary pain will remain and that is really not needed.

Life is short. I choose to enjoy it to the fullest. It's not anyone's fault if I come to do things I am not proud of. In the end of the day, they are all my decisions and nobody forced me into it. Blaming would not do any good to anyone as well. I will not regret nor apologize for anything except one, for worrying those around me who care. I am so sorry.

I think everybody can be happy if they want to. Even if it's hard or if you don't want to, you should remember to think of what's better for your own good. Maybe by thinking that way, it will help in making a decision quicker without the need to dwell in the problem while contemplating.

Life is without a doubt hard but simple.

I honestly think I have too many problems at the moment but don't worry, I'll be fine :)

and those for you who care, THANK YOU.
I really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for each and everyone of you.
You know who you are.
Please know that this is the impact you have on someone. Me.
Please know that you guys saved me and still are helping me, giving me the will to improve myself every single day. Words aren't enough but thank you.


3:57am, 18 June 2015.
Lots and lots of love,
Elayne.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

3.26am, 25th April 2015.

I am blogging at this hour because I want to remember how I feel at this specific time and date.
It's not an amazing feeling really, but it's one I rarely get. Positive feeling? The opposite.
I am barely standing.

You know that feeling? When you're feeling all the pain cooped up from three months ago. This pain, it has stayed inside long enough that it has infested the heart. It feeds on the soul and it finds its newly inhabited place to its liking. It's not going anywhere now.
How do you get rid of it? People say you should let it out by crying.
Here's the thing, the pain is so attached that it's not letting its host shed a single tear.
The normal procedure would be: get hurt, get lots of feels, feels work up to the eyes, tears fall out. In this case, the process "feels work up to eyes" gets redirected into "sponged by the heart and left there"
Feeling so much emotion and yet not able to express any of it. How does one handle that?
Run. Yes, run.
Let it all out by sweating. It helps.
If you don't, one day you'll break. I guarantee that.
I am desperate to cry.
I would tell you to stay strong but doing so is not what you need to do at the moment.
Relax for a bit, put your armor down. Lay in my arms, close your eyes.
You don't always have to be the strong one.
You don't always have to do things on your own.
Scream all you'd like, little one. The war is almost over.
If you can't cry now, it's okay.
The war is almost over and the journey is beginning.


3.45am, 25th April 2015.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Tea Collection! Part 1

Hi everyone!
Are you a coffee or tea person?
For me, it's most definitely tea! It really calms me down and whenever I feel like drinking something other than water, I think it's the best option as it has a lot of health benefits.
Tea has caffeine too, just a lot less, so I usually drink it when i'm studying! and I won't be as stressed out, heh heh.

Because of this, I've been collecting tea since the beginning of this year and I love love love all of it and hope that you who loves tea as well, or not, will try it too!

 So this is all that I have.

I'm gonna start with this one! It's jasmine white tea. It's really fragrant and it comes in this packaging. It has rolled up leaves in it and just a few of them will give a strong and fragrant taste!
I got this as a gift from a good friend of mine, Nigel! Thanks so muchh! I like it a whole lot :D
This one is extra calming! Very nice!
Health benefits - powerful antioxidant, reduces fat and cholesterol absorption and calms your nerves.



This is just green tea which I have not actually tried yet, cause I still have the japanese green teabags! but once I do, I'll make sure to signify any differences between this loose leaf ones and the teabags! It probably is more pure as those in teabags often are a mixture.
Health benefits - improve blood flow, lower cholesterol and has antioxidants that fight and may prevent cell damage


This is the japanese green tea that comes in teabags!

  

This one is blue mallow flower! I first found out about this tea in an anime called Special A, where they were having a tea party at Akira's. I was fascinated by it because it supposingly stains and the tea becomes blue. Plus if you add any citrus juice, it will turn pink! I've been looking for it and my parents said they found it in a night market in Malacca.
When I tried this, it actually is black tea. So maybe this is a different type! but it still is good! More to the bitter side though!
Health benefits - good for constipation, husky voice, sore throat, sooth coughing and mosturizing the skin.



This is red rose! Its tea tastes just like how you would imagine roses to taste like, floral. I have not tried this alone, as I've always been mixing it with the apple flower! The shop assistant insists that the combination, together with lavender, is really good! Which is true!
Health benefits - helps menstrual cramps, have vitamin C and contains polyphenols.



The apple flower looks hairy but I think this is how it is suppose to be, haha. Also, have not tried it on its own! But I think the freshness of the tea comes from this.
Health benefits - improves digestive, remove excess fat, clears acne, lighten pigmentation, ease nerves and revitalized blood. Good for the skin



This one is french rose tea! Its taste is actually very different from the red rose tea, in my opinion! It is more fragrant and has a more floral taste! It is my friend, Yvonne's favourite. When she comes over, I'll always brew this especially for her! It goes very well with cakes! This is one of my fav as well! I often have this while studying too.
Health benefits - clears toxin, contains vitamin C, skin whitening and calms your nerves.



If you're a fan of earl grey, I say that you must totally try this! It's mixed with tangerine and I think those ingredients go so very well together! The chemistry they have is like mixing strawberries with cream and chocolate with banana, amazing! It is so fragrant as well. I got this from Cameron Highlands, during my family trip a few months back and I don't regret it at all! So goood!
Health benefits - contains antioxidant, lowers cholesterol, good for digestion, relief stress



I've been wanting to try lavender tea for quite some time, as I have always been a fan of the scent when it comes to body or shampoo products! It smells really nice! Little did I know that the tea is entirely different! It's definitely an acquired taste, unfortunately not for me. I gag at the scent and taste of it but there are people who love it! I have also tried it with citrus(changes colour too) but I simply just can't have it on its own!
Health benefits - promotes relaxation, helps digestive system, relieves indigestion and insomnia



 
before adding lemon...

after adding lemon!

Now this is probably my number one right here! As you all might know, i'm a big fan of strawberries! This is actually wild strawberry green tea and it tastes and smells fantastic! I'm not even exaggerating when I say you'll feel as if you are in a strawberry field with lots of flowers, while drinking this! It tastes fruity and like flowers at the same time and it definitely won me over! Must try! :) It is definitely calming too! This mixture is perfection.
Whenever I have guests over, I make them try this tea all the time! hehe.





I'm going to stop here for now and do a second part next time! Hope you enjoyed this and please do try some too! I think it's worth it :) and you can probably find most of them in the supermarket now!


Talking about tea is so exciting!
Elayne.