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Monday, May 2, 2016

Fighting bad thoughts

It's true when they say it's all in the head.
From what I know, when you're having a bad time or bad mood everything seems to be bad.
Your whole world will feel like it's crumbling down.
It's hard to change your mindset or feel better when it seems like nothing good is ever gonna happen.
I have come to an understanding that the mind and the heart may set at two different points.
I'm able to understand one thing and yet feel that it's not to my liking even though it may be the "right" thing.
For the past few months I have been in a war with myself.
My heart wanting one thing but my brain wanting another.
Is it wrong to say I understand when it is not what I truly want?
It is suffering and really damaging to myself.
But today I had a realization and I want to write this down before forgetting.
The reason why it was so hard to feel that it's okay although I have an understanding is just because I didn't believe in myself.
I didn't believe my own reasoning and I didn't trust that it'll all be okay although it's the right thing.
I didn't have enough trust in my partner or friends.
I want that to change, and so I'm going to try. Not try, I'm going to do it.
My ultimate goal for this life would be trusting without the fear of breaking.
and I'm going to work towards it. BE STRONG ELAYNE. You can do this.
No need to be scared anymore, you know it yourself that life is short so what's the point in focusing on all these bad feelings. Sure, some things do not turn out as you favour it to but you know what?
THAT'S OKAY. Cause it's not the end of the world yet so that's fine.
You can do it. Don't forget.

Love,
Elayne.

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