Bring me into eternal slumber.

Fighting bad thoughts

It's true when they say it's all in the head.
From what I know, when you're having a bad time or bad mood everything seems to be bad.
Your whole world will feel like it's crumbling down.
It's hard to change your mindset or feel better when it seems like nothing good is ever gonna happen.
I have come to an understanding that the mind and the heart may set at two different points.
I'm able to understand one thing and yet feel that it's not to my liking even though it may be the "right" thing.
For the past few months I have been in a war with myself.
My heart wanting one thing but my brain wanting another.
Is it wrong to say I understand when it is not what I truly want?
It is suffering and really damaging to myself.
But today I had a realization and I want to write this down before forgetting.
The reason why it was so hard to feel that it's okay although I have an understanding is just because I didn't believe in myself.
I didn't believe my own reasoning and I didn't trust that it'll all be okay although it's the right thing.
I didn't have enough trust in my partner or friends.
I want that to change, and so I'm going to try. Not try, I'm going to do it.
My ultimate goal for this life would be trusting without the fear of breaking.
and I'm going to work towards it. BE STRONG ELAYNE. You can do this.
No need to be scared anymore, you know it yourself that life is short so what's the point in focusing on all these bad feelings. Sure, some things do not turn out as you favour it to but you know what?
THAT'S OKAY. Cause it's not the end of the world yet so that's fine.
You can do it. Don't forget.

Love,
Elayne.

Saturdate

Hey all.
Supposed to be working on my practical report now but I feel so reluctant to read them articles.
I guess it's progress because I've found 4 extra articles already.
All that's left is to read them and write literature reviews on them.
Also I'm only halfway done with the methods section, ugh.
I don't really know how to use google docs, so as I was designing the table I can't seem to make the size vertically smaller. I can do it on microsoft word tho. Somebody please teach me, haha.

On Saturday, I had a messy day but I think it just gradually got better as the day went on.
Went out with Calvin and we headed to Subang Parade to get Boost Juice :D King William Chocolate ftw. The one in SS15 was closed, guess they don't open on weekends(?)

Subang Parade was having a Japanese snacks fair and I wanted to check it out so we went and saw almost every item there.
We bought ourselves Oreo, green tea flavoured and also rice seasoning! Because I wanted to try a new one as I've always been using the ones sold in Daiso.
I was actually looking for the ones with the sakura shaped seasoning but they didn't sell it.

This is the rice seasoning. 

Not entirely sure what flavour it is but i'm hoping it's salmon and not only showing the salmon picture just because it's Kirimi hehe.

It comes in mini packets like these. Soooo cute.

and this is the Oreo green tea. 

We went to Tokyo Kitchen in One City for dinner. We have been wanting to try this place out for quite some time now but it was always raining and if we had to go to to One City, I would much prefer it to not be raining because I want to visit the SkyPark too.

The environment was really nice, with a small pond and flowers (which I have no photos of hehe) and also they have this small wooden tiles which I believe they previously allowed customers to write on(read them on other blogs);they decorated the side of the stairs really well.

I feel that the food was quite worth it because the portion of food they give is what i'd imagine i'd get for paying that amount. Also, the food was yummy!

This is what i ordered, the salmon sashimi set which caused a little less than 30 ringgit.

A close up, nom nom.

We also ordered honey milk. We wanted to try the Tokyo Kitchen honey milk with red bean but unfortunately they didn't have it at that time. It was really nice imo but personally we would prefer it with a little less honey hehe.

We also had the salmon belly and it was really good. I mean how can salmon belly not be good hehe. Calvin was especially happy with how thick the slices are.

He ordered cha soba with tempura. It was alright. He felt that there were missing elements like the daikon and quail egg and that it could be better with them. It was also about the same price as the salmon sashimi set.

After dinner, we headed to the SkyPark and we saw many people, kids in particular, playing with the giant bubbles! We wanted to try it too but were too shy because we'd be the only adults there haha.

Even so, we wanted to get one ourselves and we bought a giant bubble maker (I've no idea what to call it omg), and the solution needed. We got a free bowl to put the solution in with our purchase.

And of course I'd choose a pink bowl, heh heh.

There were also kids riding on the animal rides. There was one Doraemon one and it even played the music, hahah. 

The place looked really colourful and pretty. 

If only I was exposed to that type on environment more frequently, feel like I need some of that colour and brightness in my life. :p

We went back to our own respective homes after and watched Toriko till we sleep :)

More blog posts yaaaaay.

Love,

Elayne.

I think it's through this blog that you can really tell how I've grown.
I may be slow in growing or maybe to some, fast, but I've definitely not remained the same.
Haha, I wonder is anybody still actually reading this blog? :)
How do I stick to the habit of blogging everyday?
Cause I STILL think that blogging and writing my feelings out will help me a lot.
I have a lot of things in mind and I believe that venting it out here will be much better than cultivating all these negative thoughts and emotions in my mind.
Most of the time I forget I have a place to let them out but a lot of times I am just lazy and I end up damaging myself.
If you've noticed, these past few years I've just been writing everything out very vaguely.
In comparison to the year 2009, I wrote everything out from what I do everything to how I feel about everything and I sort of miss that.
I guess I'm just afraid of people judging me when they read this but why should that stop me from expressing myself? Am I right....hahaaa...

So recently I just got discharged from the hospital because I had my appendix removed.
It was swelling for the whole day and when I went to a clinic, the doctor referred me to the hospital to check and they said the signs were that of someone having appendicitis.
That night itself i underwent surgery because it was painful.
I used to look down on appendicitis because it's quite commonly discussed. By looking down I mean that I felt that it was just something common and nothing to worry about but damn was the pain real.
Even after surgery it was so painful. The anesthetics wore off and when I woke up I immediately felt the pain and tears just came out. The nurse gave me painkillers but it was still a little painful.
I couldn't move at all for that night and the next day but I had to try.
I needed to pee so I tried to go to the toilet and it was really suffering because I couldn't breathe properly and it was hurting so much. That was 6 days ago, I am much better now. I can stand and walk but still really slowly and I can't actually stand upright.
I'd like to truly thank all the people who were with me throughout that experience. I am so so grateful to all of you who helped me. Thank you so much.

Because of this, I missed pretty much a lot of classes and I'm currently behind on a lot of things.
I'm quite stressed out because I've no clue how to do what I'm supposed to do and I don't really know where to start. Maybe it's just because I'm panicking and I really wished I knew how to take the first step. I've a lot of things due just next week and that's probably why I feel like I can't relax although I need to recover.
I was trying to figure out how to transfer the data that I have from excel to SPSS but now here I am typing all this cause I felt the need to rant haha.

Okay byeee, till the next time.
Elayne