Life.

Entry 1.

Everytime i think of you, you remind me of how karma works. What goes around, comes around.
True, it is. But you only hurt for a couple of months and i've been hurting for years.
How does that seem fair?
Maybe it is.
Some people say when you do something bad to a person, you'll be punished 12 times worst.
So maybe this is the punishment i'm getting for being such a mean person to you.
but to tell you the truth, I ended it as soon as i could for i know that you deserve better.
I really loved you from the bottom of my heart but knowing i'm not good enough for you, I had a crucial decision to make.
If i had ever continued, then only will I be the bad person.
I see you found happiness, i'm really happy for you, that's all i can say.
Now after years, i have to move on to the next chapter, to find my happiness and forget about you.

Entry 2.

I never thought that this would ever happen to me but first time in my life, i've been played like a fool.
I followed your cries like a blind man would and was slowly hypnotized into your play box, figuring I was your favourite toy at least. I was never more wrong in my life.
Knowing I'm the idiot i already am, I still let you play with me because i loved how you would imagine me as the girl of your dreams, the girl you would exchange vows with someday.
Although I secretly dream of being that girl, I knew that you would never think of a worn out toy like me, for after all, i am only a toy.

Entry 3.

I hear cries every night, from outside my hole. And when i peeked out, all I can see is a cheese.
Its wonderful scent that one can't resist, tried to lure me out from the only safe spot i know of.
I tried my hardest to not be bothered by its nature, but i can't ignore such a brilliant creation.
And when i reached out for it, I felt pain crawling up my tail.
That's when i realized, I was blinded by lies.

Y U NO

Lost.

Why hate? when you start hating, a vision will be blocked. A vision of a good side.

It'll all be dark and gloomy, everything you see of it will be black and nothing more.

Stop hating, start loving, you will be able to see the good side of things and clear out the fog and clouds that you were once hiding under.

Dreams? Why does my dream seem sooo impossible.. ? Why did God let me meet a competition who is far better than me? Is it to show and tell me that i should give up because there are way more talented ppl out there in this world? Or is it to help me become better at it than i alrdy am? Honesly, i never really thought that my dream is something that I could ever achieve. I have NO belief in it.

Im not looking down on myself, it's because i KNOW that some things are just impossible, not EVERYTHING is possible no matter how hard you try to believe. Not only that, i also know that im not good enough and i will never be.

For the future, i don't really know what to do. i LOVE science but not as much as i love music. I love discovering new things too but there is not one thing that i know of that i REALLY REALLY LOVE doing. Why is it this way? i want to know what i love doing. and secondly, i want to know what im really talented in. Like what everybody says, everyone has a gift. What is mine? its frustrating that i have yet to discover it but if i alrdy have discovered it.. then i really am not talented enough for the talented.. if you get what i mean..