3:25am, 18 June 2015.

This year has been full of ups and downs.

It's like when 2015 began, I sat in the roller coaster and till now, I am still on it.
Rather than going up and down, I've been stuck in a loop, going in circles.
I've been experiencing new things and having so much fun.
I always believe that, when you're up this high, you're bound to go very low as well.
That is why, aside from having so much fun, so many bad things have been happening.
Therefore, the constant roller coaster ride.
I guess in a way, you can say there's always pros and cons to everything.

Though I have many down moments, I am very lucky for I have amazing people around me.
I am so thankful and grateful to have them in my life and I am truly blessed.
I promise that I will never forget that.
I also believe that I am able to overcome everything mostly because of the support I have and definitely a strong and positive mindset.
Everything happens for a reason and sometimes it is also for the better.

I choose to only remember the good and learn from the bad then flush them away.
Glad that everything that gave me happiness, happened as I have learnt to accept that not everything will go as planned.
It's best to not make a big deal out of disappointments but rather to stay calm and see what or where it can be fixed. If it can't be fixed then it's probably best to let go or unnecessary pain will remain and that is really not needed.

Life is short. I choose to enjoy it to the fullest. It's not anyone's fault if I come to do things I am not proud of. In the end of the day, they are all my decisions and nobody forced me into it. Blaming would not do any good to anyone as well. I will not regret nor apologize for anything except one, for worrying those around me who care. I am so sorry.

I think everybody can be happy if they want to. Even if it's hard or if you don't want to, you should remember to think of what's better for your own good. Maybe by thinking that way, it will help in making a decision quicker without the need to dwell in the problem while contemplating.

Life is without a doubt hard but simple.

I honestly think I have too many problems at the moment but don't worry, I'll be fine :)

and those for you who care, THANK YOU.
I really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for each and everyone of you.
You know who you are.
Please know that this is the impact you have on someone. Me.
Please know that you guys saved me and still are helping me, giving me the will to improve myself every single day. Words aren't enough but thank you.


3:57am, 18 June 2015.
Lots and lots of love,
Elayne.

3.26am, 25th April 2015.

I am blogging at this hour because I want to remember how I feel at this specific time and date.
It's not an amazing feeling really, but it's one I rarely get. Positive feeling? The opposite.
I am barely standing.

You know that feeling? When you're feeling all the pain cooped up from three months ago. This pain, it has stayed inside long enough that it has infested the heart. It feeds on the soul and it finds its newly inhabited place to its liking. It's not going anywhere now.
How do you get rid of it? People say you should let it out by crying.
Here's the thing, the pain is so attached that it's not letting its host shed a single tear.
The normal procedure would be: get hurt, get lots of feels, feels work up to the eyes, tears fall out. In this case, the process "feels work up to eyes" gets redirected into "sponged by the heart and left there"
Feeling so much emotion and yet not able to express any of it. How does one handle that?
Run. Yes, run.
Let it all out by sweating. It helps.
If you don't, one day you'll break. I guarantee that.
I am desperate to cry.
I would tell you to stay strong but doing so is not what you need to do at the moment.
Relax for a bit, put your armor down. Lay in my arms, close your eyes.
You don't always have to be the strong one.
You don't always have to do things on your own.
Scream all you'd like, little one. The war is almost over.
If you can't cry now, it's okay.
The war is almost over and the journey is beginning.


3.45am, 25th April 2015.